Feeling Sick

Bleh, been sick with the flu for the past few days. Missed a couple of lectures on Tuesday when I woke up with a huge headache and a very sorethroat. Had to force myself to go for the 3rd lecture that day though cause it was a history lecture and they dun webcast it.

For some strange reason, I can't seem to get back into the flow of studying this semester. I can't understand half of the lectures and I'm not helped by the fact that my science lecturers must be some of the most boring lecturers in the whole damn NUS. Sigh......

Back Again

Time to resurrect this blog for like the 3rd time ;p.

Just got back from an outing with my airforce buddies from TAB. Everyone's older, some have moved on to other things outside the RSAF, some are still embroiled in the daily struggles of work and meetings, and then they are people like me "stressing out" in Uni. ;p

This Sem is pretty much busier for me than last Sem. Hope I can continue blogging on.

Can you feel it coming?

Yeah, exams are coming soon. Heh, I've got a chemistry test tomorrow and I haven't studied. Yet I'm on the computer bumming around on the internet.

So is NS better than studies? Well, I guess I have to be thankful for getting a nice vocation during my NS. How I miss the days when you didn't have to worry about anything other than getting weekend duties. ;p

Gosh I need to exercise. Haven't run in like 3 weeks. How to pass IPPT like that man.

Uni & Failing

sigh... just failed my chemistry mid-term test by a miserable 17/60 marks. Gosh, I keep failing all my tests this semester, has NS really made me dumb or am I just not as good as I thought I was. Super demoralized now, and I've still got a 2000 word history essay to submit on Monday, which I haven't even finished all the readings. sigh.......

An Ode to Life

The road is long,
the path rugged,
the dangers many,
the temptations strong;
But my heart is set,
my goal clear,
my reward great,
and with Jesus, my journey easy.

- Nicholas Chen

Cold Days in Melbourne

I knew it was going to be cold in Melbourne, but not THIS cold. Heh, stepped off the plane to a frosty 4 degree C temperature. It's like standing with an Air-con at full blast on you.

For one thing, the cold is making me real lethargic and sleepy. The sun sets at like 5.30pm and only rises at 8, thus encouraging me to sleep longer. ;P Haven't really done much besides eating and sleeping. There are just so many eating places, serving so many different kinds of food that it's a pity that there are not many Singaporeans here since Austalians prefer to stay home at night.

Should be going to see the countryside soon, hopefully can get some nice pics to keep. Still looking for presents to bring back to S'pore, really dun know what to get for you guys. ;p
Sigh, feeling a bit homesick for S'pore. Maybe it's the fact that my friends are all there, and people still ask me why I don't want to study overseas.

Gaming and Drinking

Whew, finally some time to sit down and blog. ;P

Just recently bought this new mulitplayer game called Guild Wars. Been playing it like several hours a day for the past few days, kinda addicted to it already. Basically it just involves creating a character and then traveling through a vast virtual world which after several days I'm still not even a third of the way through.

Had a farewell dinner for my ex-CO on Friday night and AS USUAL, some people keep asking me to drink since it's my last function as part of the Squadron. Had to bottoms up half a wine glass of pure vodka, as well had about 2 more glasses of red wine. It was nice seeing everyone again after one week of staying home, as well as getting to show my pink I/C to the NSFs. ;P

After the dinner, I was already feeling a bit tipsy, but then eveyone wanted to go for a part two. So being the "socialble" person I am, I tagged along. Went to some pub in Clarke Quay and sat inside for nearly 3 1/2 hours, drinking shots, cocktails, etc.... Surprisingly, the more I drank, the less nauseous I became. Heh, maybe I just need to warm up beforehand. It was also interesting to see how some people act when they're high on alcohol. Lesson of the day, dun drink a Waterfall in one shot if you know you're gonna feel sick after that. ;p My only grouse was that the music was too loud, such that we had to lean over and shout to make ourselves heard. Hope I'm not getting addicted to alcohol too.

Will be flying off to Australia today for 3 weeks of "fun and games". Actually I think it's gonna be kind of boring since Melbourne isn't exactly a very interesting place. I won't be back till 17 July, and I'll try to remember to buy souvenirs back. ;P

Week of Slacking

Sigh, who would have thought it would be possible to be work-sick. It feels kinda weird not needing to report to camp anymore,as well as the loss of a monthly allowance. Somehow I still miss Tengah terribly ( ok maybe that's exaggerating a bit) and more importantly, the people in it. Met another ex-NSF from Tengah today at the driving centre, and talking to him brought back so many memories from my eleven months there. He did tell me that this feeling would soon pass, but hey, I'm quite a sentimental person.

Feeling real bored at home, and as you know, the idle mind is the devil's workshop. I can't stop thinking of what the future holds, how would uni be like, what job will I be doing, will I ever find That Special One that everyone supposedly has. Sigh, I can't believe I'm still having infatuations at this age. ( Not saying that I had any before though.)

Hanging Out

Thanks for taking time this afternoon to hang out with me. I had a great time ( even tough we were just sitting down and talking).

Sometimes just sitting down and talking can be really therapeutic and all. Though there are some problems which I can't share, I'm glad that you actually came and talked to me. Heh, still can't imagine you being a journalist or correspondent. ;P

All the best wherever you go.

ORD LO!!!

The day that I've been waiting for the past 2 years and 4 months has finally arrived. Got back my pink I/C today after such a long time feeling like I would never get it back.

However once I got back my pink I/C, I didn't feel as elated as I thought I would be. After recent events of the past week, as well as a realisation that another phase of my life is about to start, I now wonder what the future will hold. Will I achieve what has been my ambition? Or will life end as cruelly as what has happened recently?

Philosiphical questions aside, when I look back at these 2 yrs 4 months, I can only wonder in awe how gracious God has been to me. From redoing my BMT to Tri-service and service term in OCS, to Aerodrome/Par course in AFS and onto Tengah, I can only sum it all up in that God has been so gracious to see me through it all safely. There have been there ups and downs, the feelings of despair and elation, but looking back, I have to thank God for being with me even when I've been faithless.

Do I have any regrets from these 2 yrs 4 months? Only that I have always fallen short of being a witness for God to those people around me. Something that I will have to answer for when my time comes.

Today we bid farewell to Yu Kang Fei, Officer, classmate, friend. God's ways are mysterious to us and our timing is not God's timing. I may never know why he was taken to heaven so young, and with so much more to give to the people of the world, but what I do know is that now he is truly happy.

At the funeral today, as I stood tearing, first at the window of his house and later at the back of the hall, I could not help but look at his father. Words cannot describe the emotion I was feeling, but one cannot help but weep for his parents. To see the death of your child is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. And as his father sat at the front row, wiping the tears from his eyes, my heart went out to them. Oh for the day when there will be no more tears for everyone. No more funerals, no more sadness. As Kang Fei's brother stood speaking of his memories of Fei, I could only imagine that in another dimension, he could have been speaking at Fei's wedding.

And as his body left the house for one last time, a little voice within me said, "He's not leaving home, he's coming home."
Amen, and Hallelujah.
I
In memory of Yu Kang Fei, 1983 - 2005
Your brother in Christ,
in this life and the next
Nicholas Chen
Class of 2SA3 2002

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are. Traditional - Modern culture does not move you. You hold traditional values dear to your heart.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Conservative 3. Traditional 4. Intellectual 5. Practical 6. Outgoing 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Funny 9. Big-Hearted 10. Adventurous

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Shy 5. Conservative 6. Intellectual 7. Funny 8. Big-Hearted 9. Athletic 10. Adventurous

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Just had a talk with my superior regarding my ORD leave. Basket, he only allow me to take on Monday and Friday. Start taking this week also won't be able to clear all my leave before I ORD. Already I had six days of leave forfeited from last year and now they want to pull this stunt. Somemore, when I get off, he want me to "clear" my leave on that day. KNN, I 2 1/2 yrs only took like 3 days leave in AFS only. Now they still want to be so stingy.


Editer's Note:
I had to delete the expleitive after getting several comments. Pls be advised the comment was made in a moment of sianness.

Ever felt unfulfilled? Ever felt that there's something missing in your life? When things that were once fun don't seem so fun anymore. When the pressures and uncertainty of life close in on you. The joy of life evaporating like morning mist when the harsh sun of reality comes out.

"Oh Lord I believe, help me overcome my unbelief."

Chinese New Year is over, and everything was fine and dandy till I received a SMS from my ex-JC classmate.

One of my ex-classmates, or more specifically, my ex-class Representative just got admitted to hospital with leukemia. For those less medically inclined, basically it's cancer of the blood and it is NOT a good thing.

My first reaction to the SMS was like "sure or not?" How can someone who's 21-going-on-22 get cancer. Maybe it's some viral infection or the blood test got mixed up.

Went to see him today with some ex-classmates and the atmosphere in the ward was like so unnerving. Everyone like didnt know what to say. Sometimes we can't seem to accept things even when they're physically visible right in front of us.

Looking at him and seeing the worry etched on his family's faces, I begin to wonder "How can this happen? How could God allow this?" It's so easy to be unbothered by tragedy when they happen in a far away place; "It's God's will" we say. But when bad things strike closer to home, so easily do we become disillusioned with God. "Why me?" or "Why him?" we ask God. Do we question God's Will when events happen that we don't understand? What good could come out of this we ask ourselves?

When I think of my own mortality, I am overcome with trembling. Life and Death is seperated by a thin line. Am I saved? Am I redeemed? The inevitability of death frightens me. What happens on that 'final frontier'? What happens in eternity? Where will I go when I "pass on" from this world? So many questions, so few answers.

Another week gone by. Another week of 12 hour work days and stress lie ahead.
Sometimes I feel like I've lost all my motivation to work.

Recently I've been going out quite often. Only thing is that more often than not, I'm always by myself. Met a friend at Taka with his Gf and he asked me whether I was out alone. When I said yes, he gave me that "look" and said "So sad ah?"

Sigh.............

Finally time to dust the cobwebs off this blog. ;P
Much has happened over the past few months ans now I desire to find an avenue to pour out my feelings and thoughts. Who knows, maybe in a year's time I'll read this post and laugh at the times.

I've always wondered what the future would be like. More specifically, I've always wondered whether I could ever get into a relationship with a girl. The fear of commitment and rejection haunts me constantly. Do I fool myself that I will never ever have a girlfriend? Some people may think I'm being imature thinking about this, but this is a problem that is gripping my heart.

It's painful to like someone but know that that person will never like you. To see, but never touch. I can only hope everything happens in God's good time.

Today was my birthday and I thank God for all that he has blessed me so far. The friends I've made in NS, the moments of pain and joy. If only these friendships could last forever.

It's been a long time and much has happened since I last wrote here.

Everything happens with a purpose. It's up to us as human beings to find out why.
Some try to reason with logic while others turn to the supernatural or idols for answers.
God's voice may be small, and His logic beyond human comprehension.

One thing now that makes me wonder is what is God's purpose for the 12th(I) BB Company.
It's not an easy time for us now and sometimes I wonder, has God abandoned us because we have abandoned Him?
What we need now are Officers burning with a passion for God to work again in the company.
Not Officers who cling to the past and long for past glories, but Officers willing to give their time, their very lives to see boys grow up as men eager to learn and follow Christ.
Sadly, I have failed in this.
Now, we need to change and we need to start from the top, the Officers currently serving in 12th and those about to enter this group. (i.e. the J2s and J3s)
Being an Officer is not just about commanding boys or having the prestige of a higher position.
It is about committing time and effort to nurture the boys to be men of faith and prayer.
We cannot allow the situation to countinue, where BB is just a CCA or once-a-week thing.
Being in the BB is about being in a relationship with others, in a bond of brotherhood, and in a relationship with God.

Let us humble ourselves, seek God's face, turn from our old ways and pray that God will give us His grace and mercy.
OH LORD LET IT START IN ME.

Currently on a hiatus from blogging.
There are some things that are occupying me now and I just dun have the strength to blog.
Till next time..................

Hopeless and helpless.

I do not know what has come over me the past 2 weeks, but each day seems bleaker and bleaker.
I try to remain cheerful and happy, but the truth is that inside I only can feel more despair and depression.

My faith is in tatters and I'm close to resigning to my fate that there is no hope for me in coming back to a relationship with God. All that I can say is that it was nice while it lasted.