Saturday 10/04/10

I had wanted to write some stuff on church, but work chose to intervene and scupper that plan heh. Oh well some other time then.

Arms aching from carrying a composite pipe from Newton Food Centre to PUB office.

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After ROD parade today, looking back at it all, was it really worth it? God knows. Only God knows.

Thoughts on Recent Events

No doubt many, if not all, would have heard or read of the issue of religion in this country that is being discussed at length in the mass media over the past week. Nothing surprising there since it is merely the re-ignition of debate of events that have occurred in the past 8 months and of which I have blogged about before.

My concern remains in the implication for the church and for many Christian organizations in schools and in society. Such pressures to conform, to cover up the cross and remain silent are nothing new. For a long time now, mission schools and organizations like the BB have been continually under fire for proselytizing and have often compromised under such pressure.

By His Grace, a small flame continues to burn and His Work is still continually being accomplished in such places.

However, the question has to be asked of us. When then do we make a stand? How long will we continue bowing to the World's demands, whilst consoling ourselves by doing some small work on the side. I had served in an organization for six years and have seen how the Gospel and Christ are slowly shafted to one side. No longer was the Cross our controlling vision. No longer was the proclamation of the Gospel viewed as essential and inviolable. No, it became about training leaders and the teaching of "christian" values, morality without Christ. The Object became a mocking symbol of our impotence. The advancement of a kingdom without Christ, a personal fiefdom of those who saw the organization as a place to gain respect and power and personal influence. We deluded ourselves with little acts of piety in order to sooth our religious conscience, while we rushed to remove as many vestiges of Christ from our programmes. To my shame, I had bought into this "vision" for far too long.

We look at a world today that declares, "There is no Truth!". Yet there is One who says, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life." The world says, "There are many ways to god". Yet there is One who says, "No one can come to the Father except through Me." The world bleats with false humility, "Everyone is right!". Yet there is One who says "I the LORD speak the truth; I declare what is right." (Isa. 45:19b)

Has there always been persecution of the Church here? Yes. And of a kind much more subtle and oftentimes deadlier than physical violence. It is not the kind of persecution that burns down churches and sends Christians to prison camps, but it is of the kind that allures and pressurizes. A persecution that seeks to merely remove the small issue of the Cross, while still leaving you with all your programmes and comforts and all the trappings of a church but ultimately devoid of its power. While we weep and pray for those in India or China who have lost all that they have in this world for Christ's sake (as we rightly should), we fail to see the greater danger that looms over us. Like the proverbial frog in the cooking pot, we do not realize the danger that is creeping up on us until is it too late. A little compromise here, a little change there and soon we will realize we're left with nothing of biblical Christianity. We talk so much of wanting to be like the early Church, the Church of the Book of Acts. Are we willing to pay the cost?

"But in order that it may spread no further among the people, let us warn them to speak no more to anyone in this name."
So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus.
But Peter and John answered them, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge,
for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard."

- Acts 4: 17-20

When they were released, they went to their friends and reported what the chief priests and the elders had said to them.
And when they heard it, they lifted their voices together to God and said, "Sovereign Lord, who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and everything in them,
who through the mouth of our father David, your servant, said by the Holy Spirit,

"'Why did the Gentiles rage,
and the peoples plot in vain?
The kings of the earth set themselves,
and the rulers were gathered together,
against the Lord and against his Anointed'—

for truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel,
to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place.
And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness,
while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus."
And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.

- Acts 4: 23-31

And though I may be tempted to despair at the state we are today, there is One who has promised He will build His Church and all that He wills He accomplishes.

Soli Deo Gloria

Engrossed in the Word of God / Guarding against deception

I am so thankful to God for men such as D. A. Carson who have been given the grace to exposit on the Word with such authority and clarity. Even as we sat listening today for the second day in a row as he spoke on the Book of Revelations (no easy book by any measure), one indeed becomes so enchanted with the beauty of God's Word. That when he said that due to time constraints he could not go deeper into it, one almost feels like shouting, "By God, give that man another hour, two hours, the whole night even! I want to know more. I want to know more about God, His Word, His Majesty and Beauty."

But today as he spoke about false doctrines and false prophets, one point rang clearly in my mind. Satan isn't stupid. He would not lead many (true) Christians astray by planting a clear heresy in the church. No, he instead just needs to turn a Christian's eyes away from the Gospel and from Christ. Oh, no need to talk about sin and all that, it's too depressing. Oh, no need to continually talk about the Gospel, just assume every Christian already "knows" enough about it. Oh, no need to keep on talking about Christ, just concentrate on teaching "Christian" principles like how to love or about unity, after all it's more important to teach people how to apply Christianity to their lives rather than to teach them about Christ. Don't keep preaching about the Cross, be pragmatic! Teach about application or about what God can do for me.

What rubbish! It's either Christ or nothing. How on earth can one teach on love and not point back to Christ. How on earth can one talk about unity and not talk about unity in Christ and Christ alone.

Now do not misunderstand me. While yes we should teach on Love, Unity, Providence, etc..., at the center of it all must be Christ and the Gospel. The Gospel cannot be treated as merely Christianity 101 that we quickly skip by and then move on to the more "mature" stuff. In Christ do all things consist, and all things are made through Him and for Him.

So often in 12th Company we have taught love and unity without Christ. Oh love your Juniors we would say, without telling them about the Love that Christ showed us first, which only then can we truly love others. Our camps became thinly veiled attempts to conform or contort the Boys into an idea of unity that has more in common with our godless culture than with biblical unity, using the same methods that the world uses since, in our pragmatism, they produce the "results" that we want. All those defaulter and change parades and rabid shouting, what did they accomplish in the end? So what if a Cohort becomes "united" if they are not united in Christ and through Christ. If Christ be not the foundation, then all that is built above it will turn to dust eventually. And there are so many more examples that came to my mind about how we in the 12th have turned our eyes and focus away from Christ and the Gospel. From our Mission trips to our CE programme / Bible Studies to our much vaunted "Spiritual Blueprints", we have placed our trust more in methods and programmes than in God and the Gospel.

Oh the need to be watchful in these days of loose doctrine and rampant mysticism. I myself am so guilty of treating God's Word lightly and of not studying it with the seriousness that I ought to have. Oh may the Lord have mercy on us.

I count all things rubbish

Indeed even today as I watched the Boys get their medals and photos taken with the President, one does not really feel a sense of elation and joy that one should suppose he should feel. Even last week, upon officially relinquishing my role and duties as OIC of the Year 4s after 2 1/2 long years, one would not have considered that moment any much as sentimental or emotional as one would have thought it would be.

And so I remember, regardless of all the success or failure, regardless of all the accomplishments or medals or awards, regardless of all the praise and adulation of Man, like Paul, I too am beginning to "count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord", and indeed that I "count ALL things RUBBISH, that I may GAIN CHRIST." (Philippians 3:8)

Truly that it has even come to a point that conversations and activities without Christ as its focus and center are beginning to become boring and futile. When one wishes to be able to spend time with others to only talk about Christ and exalt the name of God and to serve Him with all one's might because He is exceedingly worthy.

By grace, God has brought me back to Himself. By grace, He has brought me back to the message of the Gospel. By grace, He will set me on the narrow path and discipline me when I wander off. By grace, He will see me through till He comes again in glory. That indeed I am not saved by my own works or merit, but that I am saved based on the merit and worth of another, Jesus Christ my Lord.

Oh Lord grant me courage and faith.
Christ has risen!
Christ has risen indeed.

Work Work

Gaahh.... I really can't see myself working. Been going so often to Malaysia now that I think I can finish all the pages in my passport by December. I'm also beginning to drive like a Malaysian as well. :P

Needless to say I am still clueless as to the pipe business, and the fact that my dad does not really explain anything to me makes it even all the more frustrating. Hmmm... Maybe that's why I end up "teaching" the Year 4s / 6s the same way as well. Just do and hope they pick up the necessary knowledge and/or skills by watching, not realizing that they most probably are just as uninterested and/or clueless.

Well with Honours coming up I won't be having to deal with them for long. I guess they'll probably be better off with someone better able to communicate with them.

A Time For Everything

" To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace."

- Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

A time to move on, and a time to fade away.

I so often look back to the past and wonder what could have been. So many regrets and dreams. So much joy and despair. So much that could, or rather, should have been done.

As the days and years go by, one sees Life move on and one soon has to follow suit. As the curtain of a chapter of life gone by falls, one awaits with trepidation for the curtain to rise on another chapter.

Well, my days of active service in ACS(I) are coming to an end and one cannot help but look back and wonder what could have been.
What if someone had just been mature enough to step in and stop all the nonsense going on during those dark years of the 12th.
What if there had just been someone who had sat me down to explain to me what ministry and serving in BB was all about.
What if I had not wandered so far from God during the times when I was with the Year 6s.
What if I had just trained the Year 4s properly, to teach them to love and seek God above all else.

I did a lot of stupid things during those early years. And if not for the Grace of God, I would have probably done even more stupid things then. But the time has come to move on and let others take the helm. I just pray that the mistakes of the past will not be repeated among these incoming batch of young officers.

GDoP & PPP

Went for Global Day of Prayer today and guess what, the place wasn't full. Maybe not even 3/4 full in fact. Amazing to think that for Festival of Praise the place would be full 1/2 an hour before the event started and hordes of people would be stuck outside for want of a seat. But then again, maybe that sums up Singaporean Christianity. People would rather go for an exciting (entertaining) music extravaganza showcasing the latest in Christian Rock (if there is such a thing) rather than go to any event with the word "prayer" in it. We want to be entertained and God is there for our entertainment. We're contented to keep God as a little cherry on top of our mountain of material goods and accomplishments, and woe betide if He should think of becoming anything else.

Which is why I think the last speaker really made a lot of sense when he reminded us that all of our achievements and progress comes from God and are for His Glory and Blessing. As a country awash with affluence (especially amongst the Christian community)how much more should we take care not to forget the Giver. Though I must confess that after about 1 1/2 hours my mind did begin to wander and fatigue began to set in. Oh that God may have mercy on me.

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Potluck at Zhiguang's place went relatively smoothly though firstly, I should have prepared what I wanted to say earlier and secondly, it was a bit disappointing to see the turnout, not least that there was quite a decent amount of food left uneaten.

The number of Year 6's signing up was well..... underwhelming to put it mildly. Maybe one can be understanding since they have quite a bit of studying to do in view of their exams and the programme presented to them was quite demanding (to them). Maybe we're "selling" officership so desperately that people think of us like insurance salesmen who should be avoided and ignored. Maybe six years in BB is too much and one wants to throw off the shackles of regulations and rules and finally be free to do what one pleases.

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I do not know why, but I have a very bad feeling about the next few days. Like a slow onset of depression (which everyone seems to be suffering from recently).

Fascinated by the World

"Is the world crucified to you tonight, or does it fascinate you?"
- Leonard Ravenhill

When one thinks about the 12th Company, one is hard pressed to find God within it. So often we have turned aside to our own separate way, so often we sacrifice Christ for "pragmatic" gain and worldly acclaim. Having a form of godliness, but denying its power.

"Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked"
- Revelations 3:17

When will we awake from our slumber? When will we finally realize the wretched state that we are in? When will we finally throw ourselves upon the Grace of God alone? For we would rather busy ourselves with programmes and planning instead of waiting upon and seeking the Lord, and so delude ourselves by putting ministry above God Himself.

We boast so much in our gold medals. We take pride so often in our long heritage and traditions. We have "methods" and "strategies" to "bring down" the Power of God. We seek the Lord in order that men may praise our "holiness" and "spirituality". We believe all is well, not realizing the boat we're on is sinking and so many are perishing without Christ.

Why all the arguments? Why all the "I follow Paul" or "I follow Apollos"? Why all the disputes over who gets the credit for what ultimately belongs to God alone? Why all the petty arguments over small personal sleights? Why the chasing after of what the World deems as success? Why all this foolish and meaningless boasting? Fools! Do you not know that all our righteousness are like filthy rags? What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, but lose his soul. Will God, the creator of the UNIVERSE, take a look at all your gold medals and accomplishments and be impressed? Meaningless, meaningless, all of these are meaningless. Why worry over one's "ricebowl", position or career? Is not the Lord mighty enough to provide for those who seek His Will? Or is your god so weak that you must fend for yourself.

I know of my own struggles. My struggles with pride and self-righteousness. My life-long struggle with lust and sexual immorality. The times when I have relied on my own wisdom and strength and chased after what the World says I should chase.

"But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."
- Gal 6:14

When I think of the generations of BB Boys who have passed or will pass through the doors of the 12th, how many will be secure in their faith? How many will question their faith after going though IB and all its godless studies on "philosophy" and Buddhist-like texts. Of those who return to serve, how many will do so out of a desire to be "respected" by the Boys or because they want to exercise power and authority over others and feel good about themselves?

Did not Jesus Himself come to serve rather than to be served? Did not Jesus wash the disciples feet and command them to do likewise? It's either Christ or nothing! One does not come back in order to have one's needs met. Indeed, one serves only so that Christ may be glorified and that the Gospel may be preached. For what else is there besides Christ?

In Christ Alone, I place my trust
And find my glory in the Power of the Cross.
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ Alone
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I Surrender All - Clay Crosse


I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses, that I alone command
But the castles I've constructed, by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle, I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory, 'till I'm willin' to lay down
All my weapons of defense, and earthly strategies of war
So I'm layin' down my arms and runnin' helplessly to Yours

I surrender all, my silent hopes and fears
Though the price to follow, costs me everything
I surrender all, my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition, is the treasure I obtain
If I measure successes, on scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies, to pursue a higher crown
And should you choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumphs, for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Everything I am, all I've done and all I've known
Now belongs to you the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac, on the sacrificial fire
If all I have, is all that You desire
I surrender all

An End & A Beginning

Well the Year 6 have finally been released from their obligations to the 12th and the pioneer Primers Programme has reached its final conclusion.

Looking at these bunch of Year 6s, one cannot but feel the years which have passed by. When they entered in 2003 as Sec 1s, I too had just returned to the Company following my Seniors' years in ACJC as and when I could with my NS commitments.

The camps and hikes of those initial years. Oh how I wish I was so much wiser back then. That someone had sat me down and explained the mission of the 12th. Someone who would have walked me through and guided my faith. I never understood the purpose of BB and of the ministry of service in the 12th during those first few years. Looking back, I regret the immaturity of my faith and of not having the conscientiousness and mindfulness to truly reach out and understand them. To tell them about God and the wonderful things He has done. To support Ivan during those tough times.

And so now, as some consider BB life after Primers, the mission must be laid clear before them. Their faith must be strengthened and matured through mentorship, the reading of the Word and by prayer. The mistakes of the past cannot be repeated again. Just as no Boy enters BB by chance, no Officer or Instructor serves in the 12th by chance, for all have been assigned and designated by God.

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As I count down my days of service in the 12th, and consider the Year 4s that the Lord had placed under me, there were so many things that I could, and should, have done better. My weaknesses and failures remain so glaring in my life. My inability to push through policies, to communicate properly with the Year 4s or to practice what I preach, my readiness to compromise on values, my tendency to idle.

And that is why TA Camp 2008 is so special. For I finally came to the realization that if there is anything I should boast in, I will boast in the Lord.

Busyness and Lethargy are a bad mix

Busy busy busy, yet feeling so tired and restless. Am I suffering from post-TA and pre-projects/assignment syndrome?

The 4 (unofficial) Core values of the 12th

1. No Boy enters BB by chance

2. Discipline, not regimentation

3. Christian Leadership is key

4. Service to the community

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Lest we forget.

The 12th(I) Officer's Creed

Or at least the verses that all those who intend to serve should read and believe

"But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.

For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness.

Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ.

But we were gentle among you,like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

For you remember, brothers,our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

You are witnesses, and God also,how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers.

For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory."

1 Thessalonians 2:4-10 (ESV)

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I really must thank God today. I had accidentally left my thumbdrive in my shorts yesterday and they went through the washer. Only found out when I was searching for it today and when I tried it, it somehow managed to work without any loss of data. God is gracious even in the small things :P

Weakness

I have finally come to realize, after such an unforgivably long time, the utter and total weakness of my flesh, of my own human wisdom and strength. The dawning realization and revelation that hits you like a speeding train and leaves you so totally and completely broken and in despair.

For it is one thing to declare it and acknowledge it with your mind, but it is a completely different story when it hits your heart. When the revelation tears away the darkness that shrouded the eyes of your heart and you realize how totally blind you were before.

For the Lord sustains us and everything in the Universe. No breath, no beat of our heart happens apart from the grace and power of God. In sickness and in health, in poverty and in abundance, the Lord sustains us in all situations.

Who is like the Lord? Who calls the stars by name and who commands them into place. Who raised the highest mountains and carved the deepest seas. Who commands the sea and wind to move where He so desires. And yet He calls to Man and Man says, "No!"

But yet I have greater confidence, for my confidence is in Christ and in Christ Alone. For when I am weak, He is strong. For when the Man in me decreases, then does Christ increase in me. And that is the reason why I have hope and assurance. For my God is a mighty God and I know that what He has planned for me is good.

I know that in the future, there will be times that I will try to take back the wheel. There will be times I will wander away from the path that God has set for me. I pray that the Lord will come quickly to bring me back to the narrow way.

Lord take the wheel, for I am indeed too weak to do so.

Back to Basics & to repentance

Since the end of last year I had been asking God for a Word, for myself and especially in view of the (very close) TA Camp, and the words that struck me were "Back to Basics"

What is the crux of salvation? What is it that defines Christianity when you strip away all the high theology and "cheem" arguments of Creation versus evolution. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians,

"And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony[a] of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified."
- 1 Corinthians 2: 1-2

Back to the cross. Back to that single greatest moment in human history when God Himself sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for the redemption of man in spite of man's terrible sin. Back to the realization that only the death of the Son of God would satisfy the wrath of God that had so far been stored up for sinful man.

Back to repentance, to the daily confession of Sin, realizing that the evidence of salvation is a changed life. Back to the realization that God deserves EVERYTHING that I have because of the price that was paid. Back to praying unceasingly and to the weeping over my sins and for those in my care.

What is my greatest fear as of now? That I may one day lose this fervor and desire for holiness and righteousness. Lord I pray that this may not be so.

The White Shirt's Burden

My current to-do list looks something like this.

26/1 Live Praise for Year 1s
2/2 Coy Games
Parents' letter for Year 1s
Presentation for Year 1s
Talk to YW and Jon Chan

And that is just the beginning :( I've still got the following things to think about:

1) **TA Camp Spiritual Blueprint**
2) TA Camp planning
3) *Year 4 Bible Study and Programme*
4) *Year 1 Bible Study and Programme*
5) Officer recruitment
6) Officer training
7) Year 1 Hike
8) Awards for Year 1 and 4
9) Running of Admin

With lectures beginning tomorrow, and despite the fact that I have specially arranged to take only 4 modules this semester, looking at this whole long list makes me feel tired already. Add in the problem with the number and type of officers we currently have and the general working culture in 12th Coy, depressed is probably too mild a word for what I'm feeling right now.

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Serving in the 12th is really becoming unbearable at times. The white shirt now often seems a burden too heavy to bear and a poisoned chalice for most people. It has become kind of a cycle really. Originally sparked off by an intensification of our programme, it resulted in a heavier workload for Officers, which leads to us having little time outside of BB to do our own stuff, which leads to people not wanting to volunteer because serving in the 12th literally means spending the best part of your Uni life or precious book out time doing BB stuff, which then leads to an even heavier workload for us, which leads us to.... I think you get the point.

So much to do, so many things to consider. What's the point of coming up with innovative, fun or meaningful programmes or ideas when they're usually scrapped or thrown out because the "higher-ups" deem it
a) too dangerous
b) too expensive
c) too "stressful" for the teachers or Boys (as though we are not stressed)
d) too ambitious
e) for "vain-glory" ( though I've seen things they approve of which I can most certainly say IS for vain-glory.)

Like who cares for the Boys anyway? The most important thing is to win awards right? "Render onto Caesar what is Caesar's"? Then we can enjoy our salary increments and bonuses, while getting praised for the "wonderful" job we're doing. Hang on, I don't recall getting any salary or bonus for spending an entire Saturday in ACS and the hours throughout the week planning the programmes.

Can someone tell me how not to be disillusioned when a CHRISTIAN Organization can declare that Christ comes first while blatantly, and in the same breath mind you, declare that trainings for AQ supersede Bible Studies since apparently getting those JM Fraser points is more important than the teaching of the Word of God.

Sick and Lost. Those are the words that come to me when I think of this organization. Where are we going? What are we doing here? The pursuit of accomplishments and accolades has blinded us to the spiritual wasteland all around. The politics has distracted us from the fact that Boys are passing through our hands and into Hell and we don't even give a damn. Oh that the Lord will have mercy on us when He calls us to account for our actions.

Why, What & How

Parades are finally over and I can now (hopefully) concentrate on my studies which has taken a beating over the last couple of weeks. The Admin has settled down somewhat though there are still a few loose ends to settle and the Wing System as not really gotten into gear yet.

However as I was talking to Charles late into the night, plans for the next 8 months are already being formulated. Even when parades have officially ended for the exams, the planning (and worrying) for the future has already begun.

Company Potluck, SGB and Primers Programme were just a few of the things being bandied about during that 3 hour plus discussion. The direction of the Year 3 Admin was also another topic being keenly "debated", but ultimately the one topic that stood out was the discussion about the 12th Company "culture".

When should a Boy be punished? How should he be punished? What are the things we want a Boy to learn about leadership, responsibility or God? What is the best way to teach it? What is the Company's purpose and vision?

The questions being asked frankly left more questions than answers in the end. Some of them were beyond our "level" of authority, but ultimately I came to struggle at the "how" question.

How easy it is to answer the "Why" and "What" questions. Why teach the Boys? So that God may be glorified. What do we teach them? Principle and values like 'No Boy enters BB by chance', 'discipline not regimentation' or 'Christian Leadership is key.'

The question that I found hard to answer or come out with a solution ended up being the "how". Ironic considering that most of the time people do not see the big picture "why" and "what", but are more concerned or adept at the "how". However in this case, it was the "how" that baffled us.

How to teach discipline without punishment? How to ensure that Boys are taught about responsibility and the importance of punctuality without a certain amount of "regimentation"? Is there another way that Boys can be taught about obedience and self-discipline? Is giving push-ups bad or is it the process that one goes through before meting out punishment that determines whether the punishment is acceptable or not? How can the culture of 12th Company be changed such that for future generations, "pumping" will not be the first and last resort Officers will use to establish order or worse, take out their frustration on Boys?

Well we did not really come to any conclusion on the matter. So much to consider, so much to do.

Where are the Labourers?

I was going to write a long tirade about BB and about people who don't come back to help despite all that BB has given them, but I guess that wouldn't be too good to say out loud.

Maybe I'm just bitter when I think about what I could have done or could be doing now if I wasn't serving in ACS, especially now that I'm learning about Opportunity Cost and Diminishing Returns in my Econs Module.

A New Beginning

So a new Admin has been installed and a new school year dawns once again. Somehow with 6 modules this Semester that I decided to take on impulse, it looks like I won't have much time during the week to check on the new admin.

Now that the Admin posts are settled, I can turn my attention to getting the Admin structure going. And that is the concern now with all the new procedures and projects that they need to do, it is gonna be hard trying to monitor all of them. Good thing I have Samuel to cover some things for me.

For all the worries regarding the new Admin, I can only but surrender it all to God and let him take control. My only prayer is that they will Love God and Love each other.

Choosing by God's standard

"Now the LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go; I am sending you to Jesse the Bethlehemite. For I have provided Myself a king among his sons.....So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, “Surely the LORD’s anointed is before Him!” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”"

1 Samuel 16 :1,6-7

In 3 more weeks, a old generation of admin will pass and a new one will take its place. Over the past 3 weeks, Boy after Boy has passed through the interview doors and now the real deliberation begins.

And as each Boy is assigned to a post, I was reminded of how, when Samuel went to anoint a new king after Saul, God made Samuel look and consider each of Jesse's sons before finally pointing out the youngest, David.

Why then did the Lord make Samuel go through all the elder sons first before finally pointing out David when he appeared? Why didn't the Lord immediately instruct Samuel to seek out David and anoint him on the spot?

One thing I came to realize was that at any point in time, Samuel could have easily said, "No Lord, I'm sure that THIS person is meant to be king." And God would probably have relented, just as how He relented when the people of Israel demanded a king in the first place.

But Samuel would not be turned from chasing after God's Will. Even when it seemed that the choices were exhausted, Samuel stuck to God's instructions and asked if there were any more sons.

One can only pray that God will choose this admin, not me nor any officer. Not even, I dare say, the captain himself. For Man looks only at the outward appearance, but God sees that which we cannot see, the heart of the man.

Oh that this admin and cohort will grow up chasing after God's Glory.

BB CARES..... Now what?

You could say I was completely knackered after BB CARES today in Bethany. This plus the fact that I've been in ACS every afternoon for the past 2 weeks means that when I reached home, I more or less collapsed on the bed.

Bethany is, as always, a struggle for me every time I enter those glass-doored wards. The first thing that hits you is the sense of helplessness, and to a certain extent hopelessness, whenever you enter the ward. A hollow and distant look is what greets visitors when they see the old folks staring at the TV or into space. These people, how often must we remind ourselves that, who are here because either their families cannot care for them anymore, have been abandoned, or who simply do not have any family to speak of.

What than can we few helpers do? How many volunteers walk through those glass doors once a year or even once a lifetime and leave never to be seen again by these old folks? How many volunteers have these old folk seen come and go?

And as I stood beside the bed of a man who could hardly speak, for his teeth had long since been removed, I could only weep inwardly at my own helplessness, at my own inadequacy in language.

For every month, an average of 5 old folks pass away in the home. The old man that I stood beside today may be gone tomorrow. The next time I return, the place may be awash with new residents, yet almost all with the same look of despondency of those who had gone before.

After the official programme was over, I made a slight detour before going home for I needed some time to think and reflect.

As I gazed upon the rolling hills and tombstones of those who had gone before me, I wondered whether the Boys had realized anything from their visit to Bethany. As I carefully pulled the weeds from a grave that I had visited for the past 7 years, I wondered what difference could we ever make to the lives of those in Bethany.

For Life is short and Man is but a vapor that appears for a little while before it vanishes away.