*Edit*
I didn't expect it to turn out to be so long. Will be splitting it into about 3 separate posts. I hope it will not be a chore to read.
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On Love unconditional, friends and relationships
(As i write this I must confess, who am I to speak on the Love of God? Who can comprehend His Love? Who can say decisively this is what God's Love is and no more? Oh that God would be gracious to me.)
Is it possible for a person to love another person without an agenda? Is it the call of unconditional love to love others without a view of their conversion? Was Christ's love for the sinner simply an acceptance of their sinful state period?
In the life and ministry of Jesus Christ, one of its most striking features was the rarity of His ministering to the Pharisees and Scribes and that far more often He was found with the 'great' sinners of the day, tax collectors and prostitutes.
29 And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at table with them.
30 And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?"
- Luke 5: 29-30
Here we see Jesus fellowshipping with these group of tax-collectors, ignoring the social stigma associated with them. As the Pharisees complained, we would do well to note Jesus' answer.
31 And Jesus answered them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.
32 I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."
- Luke 5: 31-32
Who will dare say that Jesus was displaying anything less than unconditional love as He dined and ministered to the outcasts of society, and yet He states with alarming clarity, "I have come to call sinners to repentance." Would we today say He was loving them with an agenda?
14 Now after John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God,
15and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel."
- Mark 1:14-15
As we pass through this life, there seems to be a constant struggle between keeping fellowship with other believers and developing friendships with those who are not of the Faith. Admittedly there are extreme cases where one tends to fall on one side while neglecting the other and to my shame I have been guilty of it. On the one hand, one does not seek to interact with and understand one's unbelieving friends, while on the other, one may attempt to so understand them that it compromises several fundamental issues.
Moving on to the charge that to develop friendships with the view of sharing the Gospel with them results in a sort of compromise love that is inferior to "unconditional" love, we have already seen that Jesus Himself ministered with a view of their eventual repentance.
However, to put it in another perspective, if one were to really love another person, would not one then seek to give that person the best possible gift? What good would it do for that person if you were to be the best friend to him, to the point of even caring for him on his deathbed, if you would not proclaim the Gospel to him? Is that not the problem with so much of our Social Gospel/Justice programmes that the Church seems to be so involved in? Admittedly, one could indeed bring a valid charge that churches as a whole are lacking in this aspect of social outreach, but that does not detract from the main point. If James could denounce the prayers and well-wishes of a man who does not physically provide for others, how much more should we denounce those who would give all they have to the poor, but have not the love to proclaim the greatest news in all Creation to them?
So is such "unconditional" love superior? Granted that one must never be obnoxious but instead speak with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15), as Christians we live with the realization that one day, Man will be called to account for his deeds. We all will stand before God, before Christ Himself and be judged, and whosoever's name is not found in the Book of Life, he will be cast into Hell. What will our unbelieving friends and family say of our love and friendship then?
I write this with much sadness and trembling, knowing that I myself have sinned so greatly in this. I think of all those people I've met in NS, NUS and ACS. All of those whom I now work with in the office and factory. How do I still fear the opinions of men. I fear I will have much to be ashamed about when Christ returns.
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With regards to relationships and marriage, does such "unconditional" love preclude the use of, for lack of a better word, criteria and/or "checklists" when considering a partner?
On the one hand of course it would be ridiculous to say one should not be discerning in choosing a partner whom one would be spending the rest of one's life with. How many tragic stories have we heard where a believer had chosen to join himself/herself to an unbeliever, much to the detriment of his/her spiritual walk. Surely it then calls for a serious consideration of a person's godliness and love for God as one searches for a partner.
On the other hand, such criterion can be taken too far. We do not seek perfection, but rather, as Christ loves His Bride who is far from perfect, we are called to forbear and love the partners whom God give us in spite of their shortcomings or weaknesses.
Of course there are criterion that are, in my opinion, simply inconsequential. Wealth, status, ability, intelligence, domestic skill, physical beauty, perhaps even personality which can be deceiving. Granted that at times we are drawn to such things and to possess them is not a sin in and of itself, but the essential foundation of a relationship cannot and should not be built upon such temporal things that may change drastically with time.
The second question then asked is this, "it's all well and good to love/be attracted to a person who is godly and pious, but what happens should that person backslides or turns away from Christ? Would your love change then and would it not then be 'un-unconditional' love?"
Now of course one cannot see what the future holds and to deny that such occurrences are impossible is to simply deceive oneself. There are many examples of men and women who used to seem to walk closely with the Lord and who were extremely passionate about God, but who now have either completely fallen away or whose love has grown cold. Without getting into a debate regarding issues like the Perseverance of the Saints or the question of divorce, what should be the believing spouse's response? (I know I am completely unqualified in making such suggestions and there are men who are much wiser and experienced in this matter.)
I believe that when the statement is made that one should be attracted to those godly attributes in a person, one should be careful to distinguish between that which attracts and that which is loved. While godly attributes and fruit should attract us to a person, ultimately the object of love is not the attribute per se, but the person himself/herself. Knowing that we still live in a fallen world and that so much of the sinful nature resides within us, it is almost to be expected that there will be times of much dryness and periods when one does not seem to be walking with Christ.
When such times occur, the response is not and should not be a reduction in love or doubting of God's plan, but rather an even greater increase in love for that person, faithfully praying and persuading him/her to repentance and restoration. Such is the unconditional love displayed that reflects Christ's love for a Church, that so often turns away, and brings much glory to His Name.
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