The Madness of My Youh

Was just reading something online and all the silly things I used to do when I was younger just seemed to flood into my mind. All the times spent running around in ACS and accomplishing nothing. The years spent in NUS just doing the bare minimum to get by. The hundreds of wasted hours spent playing computer games, which looking back seems to be one of the greatest tragedies of my life (and I am not trying to be dramatic here!).

All that time lost for eternity. Even after God had convicted me and removed much of my spiritual blindness two years ago, I had persisted in so much vain folly. Vanity of vanities! Why hadn't You struck me blind like you did Your Apostle Paul while he was on his way to Damascus? That though he recovered his physical sight, he remained blinded to all that the World has.

Oh Lord how I wished you had disciplined me sooner and torn down all my pride and spiritual blindness. That You would have wrested from me every idol that I had clung to so closely to my breast. Why did you let me run with such madness for so long oh Lord. Oh that I would have looked towards heaven, that my reason would have returned to me.

I cannot return to those lost years, all the time that I had squandered away. Forgive me this great wrong!

6 Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep.
7 Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles.
8 Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me.
9 For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.
10 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

- 1 Cor. 15: 6-10 (Bold emphasis mine)