Life goes on, people come and go. They enter and leave every Sunday, where is the change? The Spirit of the Lord is no where to be found. No words of admonition or exhortation are spoken, no holy desire or fear to drive a man to his knees and on his face. Prayer is a small thing, one of little import. A thing best left to old ladies and fanatics to do on our behalf. Content to sleep on while the candlestick is removed. Why am I here oh Lord.
"The Lord will not answer, He has not heard your pleas" is the ever present terror within me. Why will you not hear oh Lord. For I am at the end of my tether, my own heart betrays me. How often have I desired to run and hide from You as Adam and Eve did in the garden. All my works crumble to dust and there are no fruits to be found on the trees. Was it all futile? Was it all a vain thing? Have all that I have done been for naught?
How great is the war within, more terrifying than any physical war throughout history. A war more than then matter of life and death, but rather that of eternal life and eternal death. A war where enemies abound even in those things closest to you, the most intimate with you. Is it well, is it well with my soul?
"26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,
27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.
28 Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses.
29 How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has spurned the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace?
30 For we know him who said, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge his people."
31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
- Hebrews 10:26-31
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