Perhaps the reason why I detest actors/acting is because I am the biggest actor of all...

Lamentations

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust— there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

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Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?
Why should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins?
Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!
Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven:
"We have transgressed and rebelled, and you have not forgiven."

- Lamentations 3: 21-33, 37-42

He's Alive

Every time I am overcome with sin, shame and doubt, this song never ceases to give hope.



The gates and doors were barred
And all the windows fastened down
I spent the night in sleeplessness
And rose at every sound
Half in hopeless sorrow
And half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin' through
To drag us all away

And just before the sunrise
I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle
And a voice began to call
I hurried to the window
Looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches
And the sound of soldiers' feet

But there was no one there but Mary
So I went down to let her in
John stood there beside me
As she told me where she'd been
She said they might have moved Him in the night
And none of us knows where
The stone's been rolled away
And now His body isn't there

We both ran toward the garden
Then John ran on ahead
We found the stone and empty tomb
Just the way that Mary said
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in
Was just an empty shell
And how or where they'd taken Him
Was more than I could tell

Oh something strange had happened there
Just what I did not know
John believed a miracle
But I just turned to go
Circumstance and speculation
Couldn't lift me very high
'Cause I'd seen them crucify him
Then I saw him die

Back inside the house again
The guilt and anguish came
Everything I'd promised Him
Just added to my shame
When at last it came to choices
I denied I knew His name
And even if He was alive
It wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled
With a strange and sweet perfume
Light that came from everywhere
Drove the shadows from the room
And Jesus stood before me
With his arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees
And I just clung to Him and cried

Then He raised me to my feet
And as I looked into His eyes
Love was shining out from Him
Like sunlight from the skies
Guilt in my confusion
Dissappeared in sweet release
And every fear I'd ever had
Just melted into peace

He's alive He's alive
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide

The Casualness of Relationships

There is something that is increasingly disturbing to me even as I go through this current phase in life. You look at the culture of a place and sometimes you wonder, 'Can it be changed? Why do we put up with it in resignation and acceptance despite knowing that it is so deplorable and saddening? Have we been so influenced by the godless culture of this society that we simply lose the will to resist and accept it as an "unavoidable fact of life"?'

It was a most uncomfortable conversation in my spirit as we sat there talking. How can it be that such an important matter could be discussed so nonchalantly? Do we not consider it a serious thing? Should not our spirit recoil at the thought of it?

"They will have to go through it and experience it for themselves; you can't control a person's biology; They have the right to choose for themselves." Such are the commonest responses when one dares to broach the topic of Boy-Girl relationships (BGR) today, and more specifically, the educating, warning and restraining of such relationships among young people today."Live and learn" is the mantra for this issue of immense importance. But I remember Paul Washer roughly saying this once, "The Devil tells you to live and learn, the Bible tells you to learn and live." Is there not warrant and place for our young people to be warned and prepared for such an important issue?

It is really saddening to hear the number of "partners" people have gone through in their lives (and this even before the age of 30!). People hop from one partner to another with seemingly little regard for the damage it does to themselves and to others. Relationships exist for the "here-and-now" and little or no thought is given to oneself or the other's preparedness and maturity for such a relationship. Is it no wonder then that we see such BGRs breaking and forming at such an incredible rate? (And this even in church!)

Perhaps this is one of the reason that the Lord took me out for those ten to eleven years, lest in my weakness I should face such temptation and heart-break. Even today I can feel how prone I am in my flesh to fall into such temptations.

Some might say to me, "But you have never ever gotten into a BGR. You do not know what it is like and hence, are not qualified to talk and advise on such matters." That may be true, but I have never taken drugs before as well. Does that then disqualify me from warning people about it? (This is not to say that BGRs are in essence bad, but rather the casual approach to it.)

Have I been in such error? As I look back over this one year plus, I realize how often in my desperation and unbelief I myself have been committing the very same errors. How little thought have I given to God and His promptings. How little I have trusted in His faithfulness and providence (all the more unforgivable considering all the things He has brought me through in life). How seldom have I considered my own lack of maturity and preparedness to take up such a heavy responsibility. How rarely have I been found on my knees in prayer and supplication for a prudent wife, that the Lord alone provides? (cf. Prov 19:14)

Oh Learn and Live!

My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.

- Proverbs 2: 1-8

Exercises of Sin and Grace by John Newton

From here

Alas, how vain is man! What a contradiction is a believer to himself!

If I were to describe him from the Scriptural portrait—I would say that he is one whose heart is athirst for God, for His glory, and for His presence; that his affections are fixed upon an unseen Savior; that his treasures, and consequently his thoughts, are on eternal realities, far beyond the bounds of sense. Having experienced much God's forgiveness, he is full of mercy and forgiveness to all around. Having been often deceived by his own heart, he dares trust it no more—but lives by faith in the Son of God—for wisdom, righteousness, and sanctification, and derives from Him grace upon grace; sensible that without Him—he has not sufficiency even to think a good thought! In short—he is dead to the world, to sin, to self; but alive to God, and lively in His service. Prayer is his breath, the Word of God is his food, and Christ is more precious to him than the light of the sun. Such is a believer—in his judgment and prevailing desires.

But was I to describe him from his actual experience, especially at some times—how different would the picture be!

Though he knows that communion with God is his highest privilege, he too seldom finds it so; on the contrary, if duty, conscience, and necessity did not compel him—he would leave the throne of grace unvisited from day to day!

He takes up the Bible, conscious that it is the fountain of life and true comfort; yet perhaps, while he is making the reflection, he feels a secret distaste, which prompts him to lay it down, and give his preference to a newspaper!

He needs not to be told of the vanity and uncertainty of the world, and all beneath the sun; and yet he is almost as much elated or cast down by a trifle—as those who have their only portion in this world!

He believes that all things shall work together for his good, and that the most high God appoints, adjusts, and overrules all of his concerns; yet he feels the risings of fear, anxiety, and displeasure, as though the contrary was true!

He owns himself to be ignorant, and liable to be deceived by a thousand fallacies; yet he is easily betrayed into flattering views of himself, and self-conceit! He feels himself to be an unprofitable, unfaithful, unthankful servant—and therefore blushes to harbor a thought of desiring the esteem and commendations of men—yet he cannot suppress it!

By these exercises of sin and grace—the Lord teaches us more truly to know and feel the utter depravity and corruption of our whole nature—that we are indeed defiled in every part! His method of salvation is hereby exceedingly endeared to us! We see that it is and must be of grace, wholly of grace; and that the Lord Jesus Christ, and His perfect righteousness, is and must be—our all in all.

God's power likewise, in maintaining His own work, notwithstanding our infirmities, temptations, and enemies—is hereby displayed in the clearest light; His strength is manifested in our weakness!

Satan likewise, is more remarkably disappointed and put to shame—when he finds bounds set to his rage and wiles, beyond which he cannot pass; and that those in whom he finds so much evil to work upon, and over whom he so often prevails for a season—escape at last out of his hands!
He casts them down—but they are raised again!
He wounds them—but they are healed!
He obtains his desire to sift them as wheat—but the prayer of their great Advocate prevails for the maintenance of their faith!

Further, by what believers feel in themselves—they learn by degrees how to warn, pity, and bear with others. A soft, patient, and compassionate spirit, and a readiness and skill in comforting those who are cast down—is not perhaps attainable in any other way!

I believe that nothing more habitually reconciles a child of God to the thought of death, than the wearisomeness of this warfare with sin and temptation. Death is unwelcome to human nature. But the Christian knows that not until death—will the conflict cease! Then we shall sin no more! The flesh, with all its attendant evils, will be laid in the grave. Then the soul, which has been partaker of a new and heavenly birth, shall be freed from every encumbrance, and stand perfect in the Redeemer's righteousness before God in eternal glory! When we see Jesus, we shall be transformed into His image—and be done with sin and sorrow forever!